lately.

I feel so good. All the time.  It's crazy and kind of scares me.

God has brought me out of so many things. Health-wise I feel better than I ever have in my life every single day, and I know it's only thanks to God.

Most of all, I just feel so wrapped, wrapped in God's love for me.

It makes me smile.

He just loves me. Always. No matter what. Never-failing or ending... exactly as I am. And His love for me is deeper than I can ever come close to imagining.

It all just feels crazy.

Being single with Jesus is also so so good that I find myself constantly thinking I really don't ever want anything else than this. If God does I do! But otherwise, man oh man do I love everything about all the time I spend with just Jesus each day when I'm single. It feels amazing to not want or wish for anything else than exactly what I have right now with Him. No matter what God has instore for my future, I am going to cherish every moment of this season. I hope to make the most of it and enjoy loving on whoever I get to spend time with each day. :)

I know that everything good comes from God.

So all I can do is thank Him for what He's doing in my heart and life.

I feel so amazed by His love.

"Where shall I go from Your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, You are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there Your hand shall lead me,
and Your right hand shall hold me."
-Psalm 139:7-10

choosing to be thankful.

I truly am thankful. For everything.

And that's what I have to remind myself and choose to be every time I am struggling.

In early June Matt ended our relationship. He had been in a rut and struggling for a long time. And he just felt he couldn't love or lead me the way he wanted to. He also kept persisting in prayer and felt like God was telling him this was the right thing to do. He did it out of love for me, though the pain and sadness of it often makes it feel opposite.

Here are some things I wrote throughout the summer: (I wrote these strait from my heart as vents of exactly what I was feeling at the time. Each colored section is from a different vent. They are in order of when I wrote them. The last one's probably the best just in case you get bored half way through...)

"After getting off the phone with Matt last night it was hard. It was hard to hear his voice. I love him...
        I trust that this is exactly where God wants us. I trust that He wanted us to be together. He wanted both of us to have the taste of that GLORIOUS GLORIOUS love we lavished on each other sometimes. It was so incredibly beautiful beyond anything I would've ever imagined or wanted. I would love to get to love Matt like that again. Yet I know he needs this. And I do too. God has reasons for everything. Everything is just a step in the direction of what He's preparing us for. Something even better. His plan is perfect. And I'm excited for all He's been doing and showing me each day."

 "...Truth is I LOVE the thought of being single with Jesus for the rest of my life. But I love Matt even more. I would most want to be with him. And it makes me sad. I miss him so much.Yet this is what I've been given now. And I must make the most of it. I miss Matt so much it really fills my whole self with sadness. But I have to focus on what God's given me. Make the most of it, and enjoy it! I love being single. I love love love that everything I do is just between me and Jesus. Just for Him. I love the independence and everything about it. It is truly glorious. But I do really really miss Matt. It really feels my body with sadness, a lot of sadness. ... Yet I am happy to be here with Jesus too.

My joy is to love and live for Him. With all of my heart, with all of who I am, in my deepest deepest selves of selves. I've grown so much this year in just being free before Him. Me. And loving Him with all the depths of who I really am. Not being ashamed.

It's beautiful.

Jesus is my forever love.

I love Him.

And now I'm crying hard with joy and thankfulness and pain.

listening to "Forever Love" by Francesca Battestelli and singing it to Jesus from my heart. "

"... So now I have to let him go. Bah, it's sad. He is the most amazing man ever. My best friend. The person who was always always always there. I called him for everything, any time. He loved me BEAUTIFULLY. He is the most honest, humble person I've ever known. His honesty, humility, compassion, and desire to live for God are what I love about him most.

He is the most amazing man ever.

All I can do though is let him go.

I still want his presence in my life.

I feel like the best thing for me to do right now and the most beautiful is to dance with and for Jesus. To keep enjoying time with Him. My love story with Him. To enjoy being completely me before Him more and more and more and more each day.

I am so incredibly blessed.

 And I am glad I had Matt for the time I did.

Now I am happy to let him go.

God's got great plans for us.

I am excited. I can't even comprehend how much I don't want Matt out of my life. Yet... I am very excited for all that lies ahead for me. Times with my mom, my sisters, my grandparents, cousins, and family. Times with my dearest friends. Teaching dance. Dancing with my Savior. Loving on kids at work. Loving on people. ... And letting Jesus love on me. Being ME. Letting Him cover me in grace.

This is a beautiful beautiful love story.

Thanks God!"

"I want to continuously forgive him, let go, and let Jesus hold me and be happy for Matt.

I am happy for him.

I just want the best for that man.


Please please pray hard for both of us."

 "...This is just a beautiful time that I have to go through of mourning this man...


He loved me beautifully.

God blessed me with beautiful glimpses of how He loves me and will love me in Heaven someday.

...I am filled with joy and peace trusting God has the best things in store for me and Matt.

I just really miss him today.


And I just need to keep re-letting him go every second.


 I truly just want him to thrive. To grow, to learn, to lead.

To be the man of God he and God want him to be.

I'm excited for him.

I'm happy to let him go.


But yes, it will always be painful sometimes..."

"...The cool thing though, is that when we come to points where we are so filled with anxiety or pain that we can't even take it. Anxiety or pain about what to do, or about why something happening... or when we are so incredibly hurt or just so confused... or so in desire of control!!! : We can surrender.

We can know God is in control.
Try to give it all to Him.

Trust Him to have mercy on our anxiousness and selfishness.
Trust Him to work through everything, even our sinfulness.
Trust that His plans will work out.
Trust that He knows what He's doing.
Trust that everything happens for a reason.
Trust Him to have better plans than we do.
Trust that He's with us helping us.
Trust that He will provide.

And ABOVE ALL ELSE trust that His love and mercy for us are greater than ANYTHING and stretch FARTHER THAN THE EAST IS FROM THE WEST!!!

Ya... the whole Matt thing is still sad. And sometimes I ask why?? Why did I have to have something so good and then have it ripped away?? But I know and trust that EVERYTHING happened and is happening for a reason. I can tell you some of these reasons that I already know later. And I know there are so many that I don't know yet.

I trust that God's plans are better than mine.

I trust that we are right where we are supposed to be, even if it may not be what I want. I trust this is where God wants me. Broken and beautiful before Him.

Thank Him that we can trust Him.
That we have that privilege.

The privilege to just place it all in His hands.
To surrender.
To trust Him.

And to feel the peace that brings.


He IS SO GOOD.

And He knows what He's doing.
Even if it's hard.

It will turn out better than we can see."

"All the things I am feeling right now related to the Matt situation and being single with Jesus are too deep and too much for even me to comprehend, understand, or to put to words.

I sit and try to figure out exactly how I feel about everything, yet I can't... It's like I feel too much/yet something very simple at the same time.

It's a really really weird thing and just can't explain it even to myself.

What I do know though is I am the same person I always was and always will be. Broken. Broken and beautiful before Him. (to Him)

My Romance with, Relationship with, Friendship with, time with.... etc. just everything... everything about my intimate relationship with just me and Jesus has always and will always be the best and most special and most real and most dominate thing in my life.

And wow, oh wow, has everything that has happened this summer, and that has ever happened in my life, but yes this even more (like icing on the cake) brought me closer to Jesus.

Wow, is this constantly being used to bring me to Him. To keep me in AWE of His love. His friendship. His intimacy. His everything.

The cross.

... WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously I can't even tell you how much He's moving me right now and tonight. With every song He is playing for me. IT'S INCREDIBLE.

With what He's saying in the Word.

With what He wants us to do together.

With Him just being here.

... But ya, tonight it's UNREAL how every single song is completely and totally straight from Him relating to all I'm feeling even more than I could've felt or said myself.


This time is hard. I'm broken. I miss Matt.
But I would never never never change it.
I am thankful for it.

Cuz this time has brought me even closer to Jesus than ever before.

And I just want to move closer.
to go deeper.

I want to give Him more of me.

Pray for me to do that for Him.
He deserves so much more of me than the little bit I give Him.

Thanks.
Thanks for listening to this vent.


... It's always hard and weird when the sadness hits.
But it puts me in the place to be touched by Him.

And that is where I want to be and stay.
Closer and deeper.

I want to let Him love me more. He longs for me to let Him love me more.


This is the best and most beautiful time of my life.
I am so thankful God is doing this."

 " Letting go of Matt is one of the hardest things I've ever had and have to do. Mourning the loss of him, the one I love and one I want to love forever as his wife, is unlike anything I've ever experienced.

I love him.

And every second, even though I don't even want it there, he's on my mind.
I remember all the beautiful memories. Every one, again and again and again. They won't leave my head.

The way he loved me. The way he delighted in me. The staring. The dancing. The way he took me in his arms, spun me around and threw me in the air as I laughed loudly. The way he took care of me. The way he listened. The way he was always there. ... Just plain him. How much I love HIM and everything about him.

It's hard, sad, and painful.

But all I can do is take a deep breath and know that the best thing I can do out of love for him is let go of him.

He really truly knows that this is what God wants. For us to not be together.
So I trust him, and I trust God.

I trust we are both right where we are meant to be.
And I am thankful for where I am. Right in Jesus's arms. My eternal Lover. My Savior.  I will forever be in His arms, and that brings more comfort and joy, in the midst of the pain, than I can ever say thanks to God for.

I just have to take a deep breath and trust Him.

I am happy for Matt. Happy for both of us. I just want Matt to thrive. I want both of us to thrive, with God. And I know God's plans are far far better than my own.

So, even when it breaks my heart, I will trust Him. And I will thank Him.
And I will keep asking Him for the strength to let go of Matt.


I will forever be thankful for the time I was blessed to have with Matt. That man is and always will be an amazing man of Christ to me. I am thankful that he is still my amazing brother in Christ and that we are still friends. :)

I could go on forever about all the ways he helped me. We both know the relationship was truly from God. We are both incredibly thankful for it, for all the ways we helped each other grow closer to God and just helped each other in so many ways. We both have no regrets at all.

Matt helped me feel more and more free to be ME. My complete and total self, without any fear. He delighted in me more than I can even believe!!!!!!! He showed me God's love for me more beautifully than I've ever seen it before. I am so thankful for those glimpses. I know God's is far far far greater than Matt's, but the way Matt loved me really gave me glimpses I've never imagined. I never imagined someone would love me the way he did.

He was always there. My best friend. The person I vented to about everything. The person I was my complete self with without worrying I would hurt or offend, without holding anything ugly back at all but just letting all the ugliness shine through.

He brought me so much joy, laughter, and just amazingness to my life that I've never had or imagined before.

He just plain really loved me. And really loved me beautifully.

I will always always be thankful.
Thankful I got to learn more about what it means to love and be loved.

I just want the best for that man.
The best for both of us.

I want both of us to go where God wants us and to love who He wants us to.

I trust this is all for the best, even if it's not what I want.

God helps me let go every day.

And forever and always I will be thankful.
Thankful for the gift of Matt in my life.
Thankful for the chance to love, learn, and let go.

God is good. And God is faithful.
His love gives me strength,
is my hope.
Is my all."

So yes... overall, I miss Matt. A lot. Every single day. And I do still wish we were together each day, but as I do, I know that I am happy to let him go. It's what he needs. What he wants. And I have to trust that it's what God wants to.


Every time I feel sad each day or miss him, I just choose to be thankful.Thankful for the times we had. The beautiful glimpses of God's love. The chance to love him and the way he loved me.


 



I am thankful for that man.


Happy for him. Happy for both of us.



All I can do is focus on the moment. The second I'm in, and love people in it. Love the kids at Hope, my family, my friends,whoever I'm with. And most of all love Jesus.



My alone time with Jesus was the best time of my day when I was with Matt, and it remains the best time of my day still. I miss Matt. But, I trust that God's got me. And I have Him. He is mine.


I am happy to let that man go. And thankful I still get to be his friend, his sister in Christ. That's truly what I see him as now, my brother in Christ.


I am just trying to embrace each and every moment in this life, this adventure with Jesus.

Thankful for what I've had and excited for what's to come.



Most of all blessed and excited to love.

Thank You God for everything.

And thank You for continuously teaching me that sometimes the best way to love someone is to let them go.

this summer.

God did. And is, every day. 

What would I do without that?

Without God's help letting go?

Without the ability to always rest in the fact that God's in control?

Every day of my life, no matter what the season's been, I would've been hopeless every single day without the ability to trust that God's in control. To know He's here. To know He loves me. To know everything will be alright.

Instead, thanks to Him, I have peace.

Incredible peace.

Oh how I can never thank Him...

I can never thank Him... !!!

... 

Thanks God. 

forgetting what the world has told me...

missing grandma.

Grandma Who

 Grandma who loves us
and knows how to play
who is a warm slice of apple pie, saved just for me
who is beautiful songs about Jesus and Heaven sung at her request
 is stories of past parties and her schoolhouse days
who is a bag full of goodies, packed for the road
 is a peppermint patty
a warm hand to hold
who plays the "kitty game" with me
saving me from crocodiles with a pillow and a soft "meow"
who is a bright smiling face tenderly scrolled in blank ink
 is not just one but three ooey-gooey caramel roles
that leave my stomach full of warmth
who is a newsletter sent in the mail to keep us in touch
is a little black and white bear called "Whoo Whoo"
a symbol of shared love
who is a sly little smile behind sparkling, laughter filled eyes
is an exclamation of "Yahtzee!" after one roll of the die
who is Mass watched with grandpa every day
is a miniature fork and knife, cute as can be
who is the electronic BINGO game we ask for the most
is a pair of fuzzy red socks covering wiggly toes
who is a slivery bit of cherry jello with bursts of marshmallows on my tongue
is a gingerbread man drawn with buttons and bows
who says she can't believe we are getting so tall
is a peanut butter and banana sandwich or a bowl of lemon creme pie pudding
who is the picture of smiling Jesus that she loves on her wall
who is a competitive game of Scrabble, which she usually wins
is a bowl of chicken noodle soup after a long day's drive
 who is a tiny frame but an enormous heart
is a ripped open envelope filled with a kind birthday note
who loves us
loves grandpa
and loves Jesus with all her heart
who is dear and precious
who forever holds a place in my heart 

 

 

what I did for love.

Relating to how I feel about everything currently going on in my life, everything that I've done and will do and just to my heart...

this song is one of them that speaks it.

After going to my sister's musical "A Chorus Line" on Thursday night, I sung the song in my head all day Friday. Couldn't get it out even when trying. I just couldn't get over how much it relates to how I feel about what I've done, am doing, and will do for God and for the people I love. Also for the things I feel God calling me to do, the things He's made me passionate about. ... Love. Really that's the only way I can describe it.

What I did for love.

Tonight when I went to the show for the second time, I could not hold myself back from crying. No one noticed, but a large amount of warm tears streamed down my face and my body shook. I felt like I was radiating heat of me, my face was so hot from the intense emotions of how deeply this relates perfectly to how I feel about what I am currently going through. It also relates to how I feel about life in general. How I feel about each day/about the end of each day. How I feel about the things I've done and do and why I've done them.

I want to and know I will feel this way forever.

This song really relates to how I feel about everything I do for those I love. For the family I love. The friends I love. The kids I love. The God I love...  For the unique things I feel Him calling me to do/ I feel I may have been made to do.

It inspires me. Reminds me what truly matters.

  

"Now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

                 -1 Corinthians 13:13

what He says...

 Isaiah 43

1 "But now, this is what the Lord says—
    He who created you, Jacob,
    He who formed you, Israel:
'Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

I give Egypt for your ransom,
    Cush and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
    and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
    nations in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
    I will bring your children from the east
    and gather you from the west.
6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
    and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring my sons from afar
    and my daughters from the ends of the earth—
7 everyone who is called by my name,
    whom I created for my glory,
    whom I formed and made.

 Lead out those who have eyes but are blind,
    who have ears but are deaf.
⁹ All the nations gather together
    and the peoples assemble.
Which of their gods foretold this
    and proclaimed to us the former things?
Let them bring in their witnesses to prove they were right,
    so that others may hear and say, “It is true.”
¹⁰ 'You are my witnesses' declares the Lord,
    'and my servant whom I have chosen,
so that you may know and believe me
    and understand that I am he.
Before me no god was formed,
    nor will there be one after me.
¹¹ I, even I, am the Lord,
    and apart from me there is no Savior.
¹² I have revealed and saved and proclaimed—
    I, and not some foreign god among you.
You are my witnesses,^' declares the Lord, 'that I am God.
¹³     Yes, and from ancient days I am he.
No one can deliver out of my hand.
    When I act, who can reverse it?'”

Every day I am struggling, questioning, talking to, talking to and praying to God... asking Him for help. Telling Him I desperately need to hear from Him, knowing that I am so filled with lies and just so confused/far from the Truth. So in need of Him...

And well, basically what He's been doing, showing, and saying to me every day has been making me feel exactly like every lyric of this song:

I love the way You love like no other
It's got nothing to do with anything that I do
Time and time again You forgive me
So this time I choose to stay here with You

Hold me
Pull me just a little bit closer
I don't wanna lose this moment
Your love has covered me
And now I can't get over You
I can't get over You
I can't get over You
I just can't get over You
Here in the arms of my Father
Only grace can be found
So I lay my fears down
Nothing is the same anymore
You've changed me from the inside out
Now my heart is beating and it's singing, won't You...
Hold me
Pull me just a little bit closer
I don't wanna lose this moment
Your love has covered me
And now I can't get over You
I can't get over You
I can't get over You
I just can't get over You

I can't get over You

I can't get over the way
Your love stays the same, oh Lord
I can't get over the way
Your love stays the same, oh Lord

Even through the good and the bad times,
You stay the same
So my song will remain
Lord...

Hold me
Pull me just a little bit closer
I don't wanna lose this moment
Your love has covered me
And now I can't get over You
I can't get over You
I can't get over You
I just can't get over You
I can't get over You
I can't get over You
There's nothing I can't do
I just can't get over You
I can't get over You.

day after day...

     The many things the preschoolers say and do that make my days...

After saying "Come Lord Jesus..." and saying my own prayer before eating our Vanilla Wafers and milk, five of the kids also wanted to say their own prayers. One little guy thanked God for the food and then kept repeating "I love You God, I love You God..." in the cutest most sincere way with his eyes closed, head toward Heaven. ... After that a bunch of the others chimed in, "I love God."

Their childlike faith is so precious.

As a few little girls proudly told me while making pages full of stickers in the art room,  
"Jesus loves all of us."

He is jelous for me

Jesus

never gives up on me.

is never annoyed with me.

truly loves every little thing about me.

when I am horrible to Him, when I sin, or when I say or do something hurtful to Him, He forgives it. Just like that. Believes I couldn't help it, didn't mean it, or didn't know what I was doing. He believes I never meant to hurt Him. And so He forgives, instantly, without even having to get angry, hurt, or say anything. He just forgives, forgets, and sees the good in me. He chooses to trust and believe that I don't want to hurt Him. That I know not what I do.

will never leave me.

can't wait to be with me. gets excited about the next time He will see me.

loves to hear from me. waits eagerly for my next response...

loves to see me happy, loves to see me smile, to see me laugh.

keeps every promise.

finds it easy to be patient with me, He just loves me so much that He just wants to love on me...

always wants to know how I'm doing.

smiles when He thinks of me. 

cares deeply about me in every way.

calls me His Bride and can't stop thinking about the specialness of that. "His Bride..."

cherishes every moment spent with me.

can't get me off His mind.

gets really excited about the things I'm doing.

 He really loves to watch me doing things I enjoy, doing the things I was created to do.

He loves to watch me thrive. ... just wants me to thrive.

just wants to comfort me. especially through every fear, every pain, every time of sickness, every anxiety. He wants to be the one by my side, holding me, telling me "It's okay." He's with me. And He won't ever leave.

Jesus

always lets me go.

yet always holds on in His heart... never letting go of His love for me.

takes time to think up and make plans for us.

loves me in a way that I want to and can and feel amazing just being submissive. Trusting Him to lead me. Trusting Him to have the best plans for us. ... I don't have to do a thing, just follow. And let Him lead.

loves every single thing about my body.

is deeply deeply attracted to me, from the inside out. Just sees it all as so beautiful it takes His breath away.

Wants to just delight in me all day. ... Just sit with me, laugh with me, play with my hair, stare at me... walk with me... dance with me... spin me around. HIS Bride. ...

 slowly takes the time to win my heart every day.

Jesus

loves me.

loves me. loves me. loves me.

He loves me exactly the way I am.

He just thinks everything about the way I am is beautiful.

and the most special things to Him are any Christ-like things He sees in me. The things in my heart.

Jesus

loves me more than I love Him.

 

He is the picture of love.

His arms spread out on that cross.

saying, "This is kind of love I have for you: love that causes Me to lay My life down for you."

Putting me first no matter what the cost, what the pain, what other people think... He's not afraid, but happy, to suffer. To do anything and everything to help me, to see me smile, to give me life, to bring me joy, to take my breath away. 

To carry me safely to the beautiful place He's prepared for us to be together forever more.

Jesus

wants to be enough for me.

free.

A continuation of what I mean by feeling more "free to be me..."

I've never not been me. Believe me on this one.  I've always been very true to myself. Or... well... I just can't help it, my self/personality/who I am is just too stubborn and too me to be anything else at all. 

The thing is though I've been so angry at myself for it. For the way I am. I am always trying to find things wrong with who I am. Trying to find fault, sinfulness, selfishness in all of who I am.

And truth is: that is who I am. It's who we all are. Completely completely selfish and sinful.

... Especially me. And I can see it so so much, yet can't even see much of it at all compared to what God sees and knows.

What I've realized this year though is that that's why Jesus had to come. I can't die to myself. No matter how much I wish I could or want to, I can't. There will always be so much selfishness there, so much ugliness... there will always be that dark part of me there that I try to sweep away and hide from the world...

but what I've realized is that's okay. That's how it will always be.

That's why Jesus had to come and die for me!!!

He covers it all.

I will always be an amazing sinner, and He will always be an AMAZING SAVIOR.

... Basically every day I just have to again remind myself and fight to let His grace cover all of me.

I've always been me. ... Believe me!

But... I've always wanted to find fault with every little thing.

Now... I'm just learning to let go.

I'm going to say the wrong thing, I'm going to do the wrong thing, I'm going to mess up constantly!!!...

ugliness is always always going to be there,

I need to just let His grace cover it all.

...

Every day as I fight with this I am re-amazed by His love and grace for me.

And mostly I'm reminded by His love and grace that I AM FREE TO BE ME.

He loves me just the way I am. 

And I am learning to let go. Not be mad at myself.

But just be Real.  True. and me before Him.

(as I always have been)

but this time continunously saying "no" to all the anxiety I have about it. About wanting to do what He wants. ... That is what I always have and maybe always will struggle with most. Wanting to do what God would want me to do!!! And it's hard when I just don't know... But I'm continuously trying to trust Him with it all. To trust Him to lead be back to His plan as I go astray. Most of all to trust Him to cover me in His grace.

From arm to arm across that cross, He died to cover all of who I am.

Now, even if I am doing a lot of things wrong, even though I am and always will be so sinful and selfish, 

I feel so much more free to be the way He created me to be.

To trust Him.

To love and live for Him in the way I feel He created my heart, mind, soul, and body to. In the way I feel called to, even if I've always wanted to point my finger at it, to find things wrong with it, to believe I should be different... this does seem like the way I am created to love Him and serve Him best. Out of my very being. The way He created me. The things and ways I am best at loving and praising Him. The ways I am best at loving and serving others. ... I feel more free to do the things my mind, soul, body, and heart just seem to be made for right now. ... More free to do these things without worrying that they aren't what I should be doing.

To love Him with my whole heart, mind, body, soul, and strength whatever way that means for me at each moment.

To just let it be my story.... all between me and Jesus.

His grace sets me free. 

Free to make mistakes.


The Word tells me He wants me to remain in His love and grace.


I am thankful I can come back to Him, trust that He's in control, and most of all ask for His forgiveness always.

free to be me.

Biggest thing that's happened to me this year is that God's showed me that His grace makes me free to be me. :)

I'm free to be me.

Totally real before Him.

And His grace covers every single part of me.

That's what His arms across the cross mean.

He covers it ALL.

This amazes me every day. A lot.

And frees me.

His grace is what makes me free.



What I really want to do more than anything is show the people in my life and every person on this earth that I love them. Just the way they are.  


Because more than you can ever ever comprehend or imagine,  

God loves you. Exactly the way you are.

Amazing grace.

The Good News is it's not about me. It's about Jesus.

It's not about me.

Every single day I need to open the Word many times. To remind myself it's not about ME or what I do, it's about Jesus and what He's already done.

1 John 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. ⁶ If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. ⁷ But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

 

⁸ If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. ⁹ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. ¹⁰ If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.

 My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. ² He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.

³ We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands. ⁴ Whoever says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person. ⁵ But if anyone obeys his word, love for God is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: ⁶ Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.

 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. ¹⁷ If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? ¹⁸ Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

¹⁹ This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: ²⁰ If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. ²¹ Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God ²² and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him. 

 ²³ And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. ²⁴ The one who keeps God’s commands lives in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.

 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

¹³ This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. ¹⁴ And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. ¹⁵ If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God.¹⁶ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. ¹⁷ This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

¹⁹ We love because he first loved us. ²⁰ Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. ²¹ And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. ² This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. ³ In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, ⁴ for everyone born of God overcomes⁽ the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. ⁵ Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

⁶ This is the one who came by water and blood—Jesus Christ. He did not come by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit who testifies, because the Spirit is the truth. ⁷ For there are three that testify: ⁸ the Spirit, the water and the blood; and the three are in agreement. ⁹ We accept human testimony, but God’s testimony is greater because it is the testimony of God, which he has given about his Son. ¹⁰ Whoever believes in the Son of God accepts this testimony. Whoever does not believe God has made him out to be a liar, because they have not believed the testimony God has given about his Son. ¹¹ And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. ¹² Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life.

Colossians 1, 2, 3

 Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. ²² But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— ²³ if you continue in your faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven .

^{As you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so continue to live in Him. Keep your roots deep in Him and have your lives built on Him. Be strong in the faith, just as you were taught, and always be thankful.} 

^{Be sure that no one leads you away with false and empty teaching that is only human, which comes from the ruling spirits of this world and not from Christ. All of God lives in Christ fully (even when Christ was on earth) and you have a full and true life in Christ who is ruler over all rulers and powers.} 

^{Also in Christ you had a different kind of circumcision, a circumcision not done by hands. It was through Christ's circumcision that is, His death, that you were made free from the power of your sinful self. When you were baptized you were buried with Christ and you were raised up with Him through your faith in God's power that was shown when he raised Christ from the dead. When you were spiritually dead because of your sins and because you were not free from the power of your sinful self, God made you alive with Christ, and He forgave all our sins. He canceled the debt, which listed all the rules we failed to follow. He took away the record with its rules and nailed it to the cross. God stripped the spiritual rules and power of their authority. With the cross He won the victory and showed the world that they were powerless.}

^{So do not let anyone make rules for you about eating and drinking or about a religious feast, a New Moon Festival, or a Sabbath day. These things were like a shadow of what was to come. But what is true and real has come and is found in Christ. Do not let anyone disquailify you by making you humiliate yourself and worship angels. Such people enter into visions, which fill them with foolish pride because of their human way of thinking. They do not hold tightly to Christ, the head. It is from him that all the parts of the body are cared for and held together. So it grows in the way God wants it to grow.} 

^{Since you died with Christ and were made free from the ruling spirits of the world, why do you act as if you still belong to this world by following rules like these: 'Don't eat this,' 'Don't taste that,' 'Don't even touch that thing'? These rules refer to earthly things that are gone as soon as they are used. They are only man-made commands and teachings. They seem to be wise, but they are only part of a man-made religion. They make people pretend not to be proud and make them punish their bodies, but they do not really control the evil desires of the sinful self.}  

^{Your old sinful self has died, and your new life is kept with Christ in God. Christ is our life, and when he comes again, you will share in his glory.} 

¹² Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

¹⁵ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

 

Galatians 6

 Not even those who are circumcised keep the law, yet they want you to be circumcised that they may boast about your circumcision in the flesh. ¹⁴ May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. ¹⁵ Neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything; what counts is the new creation. ¹⁶ Peace and mercy to all who follow this rule—to the Israel of God.

¹⁷ From now on, let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.
¹⁸ The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit, brothers and sisters. Amen.